Your Most Dangerous Weapon

Rev. Deb Koster

May 23, 2011

Our tongues are a dangerous weapon. What power there is in something so small! The tongue is a difficult thing to tame. We know the pain of having been called names or labeled in a less that kind way. Those things impact us deeply and color how we see the world and how we react to others.

In the heat of anger or out of pure frustration, we may use words that damage our spouse. There is no time more important for the taming of your tongue than when you are emotional. It is impossible to un-ring a bell and it is equally as challenging to move past the hurtful things that have been said to us. Can we work through those things and find forgiveness? Hopefully we can, but how much better to have never spoken out of anger in the first place.

In marriage we share intimately with each other, which places us in a vulnerable position. It is so important that we never take advantage of that trust and never use those things against our spouse.  It is so challenging to rebuild trust in a relationship after it has been trampled.

With our tongue we can praise and encourage our spouse or wound them deeply.  Of course we want to be the encouraging voice that inspires our spouse and brings joy to their day, but somehow we get off track and lose sight of the goal of being one with our spouse. We need to remember that we are not enemies, but partners on the same team.

How can you speak encouragingly to your spouse? What are things your spouse desires to hear from you?

About the author — Rev. Deb Koster

Deb Koster is a producer, writer, and speaker for Family Fire. She is also an Innkeeper at The Parsonage Inn in Grand Rapids, MI where she leads marriage retreat on weekends. After over 20 years as a Registered Nurse, she completed a Master of Divinity degree and was ordained as a pastor in the Christian Reformed Church. Deb and her husband Steven enjoy doing ministry together and they are the parents of three awesome young adults.

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