Connect with Your Spouse through Reading

After years of marriage, many couples become like roommates. They’ve spent years as partners raising their children, stretching their money, and managing the chaos of everyday life. Unintentionally, they’ve become more like business partners relying on their shared calendar than like a married couple with emotional depth.

Maybe you’re facing this right now, but you dream of more for your marriage. You want emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and honesty, but your routine of watching TV together every night isn’t cutting it. You need something different. Why not try reading aloud to one another?

Slow down and connect

Reading aloud slows you down to connect with your spouse. It’s almost impossible to enjoy a great novel in a hurry. The story requires you to read at the speed of its characters and plot. Reading at a pace that enables your spouse to listen along will shift you down to an even slower gear. Eugene Peterson, a pastor and translator, was married to his wife, Jan, for decades. One practice that helped them stay connected was reading aloud. His biographer, Winn Collier, wrote, “Since their first week of marriage, they practiced an evening ritual: an hour reading aloud. They’d as soon miss a meal as their evening routine…. They even added an afternoon ritual (what they called cliff time) of sitting on the bench overlooking the water, talking about their lives, their hopes and sorrows.” Eugene and Jan were retired by the time they added the afternoon conversations, but you can start an evening ritual of connecting over a good book tonight.

Build trust and intimacy

Reading together creates a deeper attachment with your spouse. Secure relational attachments are founded on trust and reliability. Creating and (more importantly) sticking to a routine of reading fosters both of these relational virtues. The children’s book author, Kate Dicamillo, said, 

“It is an act of love to read to somebody. You feel cocooned, almost. It’s kind of like everybody puts down their defenses and you’re together in the story.” 

Imagine spending even a half hour every day feeling cocooned with your spouse. Can you imagine all the ways that would benefit your relationship? I know one couple who read aloud while they are driving. Don’t worry, the one sitting in the passenger seat does the reading! Recently, I listened as the husband shared about this routine and I could see the pride and joy he had in doing this with his wife. It was obvious that he loved the routine, but loved his wife more.

Invite others to join

Reading aloud is a habit that draws others into its graces. There is something magnetic about reading. My wife began reading The Little Prince to our daughter before her bedtime. Each day, I’d hear more about the story from both of them. I saw they were enjoying their reading time so much, that I wanted to join in. So, when they were ready to start a new book, I asked if I could sit in as well. They welcomed me! Another friend’s family reads to one another on road trips. They all are capable, but their daughter has taken on the role of primary reader. She’s read The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and other books to her sister and parents as they explored America. This is the kind of practice that draws us away from our screens and towards one another.

Public reading of Scripture

Learning to listen to others reading can shape us into good listeners of God’s word. The worship service is one of the few remaining contexts where a book gets read aloud for all to hear. Furthermore, this book is not just another book on the shelf, it is a book Christians receive as God’s Word. The pages of Scripture contain words in which God has revealed himself. Yet, we often don’t have ears to hear them. We are too distracted by the things going on at work, home, or online. We struggle to pay attention when the pastor or church member reads the Bible in the service. Reading aloud to our spouse and listening to our spouse read can train our ears to put away distractions and listen to what is being read. The Word read aloud is one of the primary tasks of the church as Paul wrote to Timothy, “devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching” (1 Tim. 4:13). The sermon may seem like the thing you need to pay attention to on Sunday morning, but the reading of Scriptures are just as important.

One habit among many

Reading aloud to one another may not revitalize your marriage all on its own, but it’s one step towards intentionally reconnecting with your spouse. Who knows, you may end up being like Eugene and Jan by finding additional ways to spend time together. It might look like an evening walk, morning coffee, or afternoon phone call. Whatever your way of adding more connecting with your spouse to your life, it’s always nice to have a good book to talk about.