When to Fight for Your Marriage

Rev. Deb Koster

September 18, 2017

God intended marriage to be a permanent covenant, not short-term investment. When there is a shred of hope, it is worth persisting onward and fighting for your marriage. The Holy Spirit can breathe life into the deadest of relationships and guide it toward health. Don’t let the current state of your marriage discourage you. If God can make the whole world out of nothing, imagine what he can create with a couple of willing hearts. But how do you decide when it’s worth fighting for?

When you value your commitment

We should never take lightly the promises we make before God. When we stood before God at our wedding, we pledged to work at our relationship over a lifetime, in good times and in bad, through sickness and in health. So it is important that we are not quick to let that commitment lapse. All relationships will face struggles, the question becomes, “How willing are you to persevere through challenges and fight when it is hard?”

When your spouse is committed to trying

If your spouse is willing to keep working at the relationship, don’t toss aside that commitment lightly. Choose to persevere and see what God might build out of the ashes of your marriage. Friendship can be reestablished and romance can be rekindled. It may be hard to imagine now, but with God all things are possible. Even if a spouse is not initially willing to try, they may yet be won over by your commitment to extending grace. Sacrificial love wins the day.

When you desire a stable foundation for your children

Choosing to ensure a stable foundation for your children is more than just “staying together for the kids.” It means choosing to address your marital issues and create a home where commitment and communication are valued. A high conflict marriage can be destructive to children caught in the crossfire, but most marriage dissolutions are actually low conflict. Couples simply drift apart and the task of rebuilding feels too daunting. In these situations, putting in the hard work can not only revive your marriage but also establish a stable and healthy foundation for your children.

When you are willing to own your failures

It is nearly impossible for a relationship to recover if you or your spouse paint yourself as a victim. We can never heal what we don’t acknowledge and owning our contribution, even if a passive one, is a good starting point. Once you take responsibility for your role in the breakdown of your marriage, you can begin to make needed and important changes.

There are a lot of reasons to fight for your marriage. It is not an easy path to work toward restoration, but God can rebuild great relationships out of ruins. When we value our commitments and want the best for our children, it is worth moving forward with whatever is left of our relationship and committing to build something better with God’s help. God walks with us through the darkest of valleys and healing and reconciliation can still possible.

For additional resources, our sister ministry, Kids Corner, is offering a free ebook on divorce called “God's Got You Covered.” Using biblical teaching, Kids Corner episodes, and activities, this ebook provides helpful reflections for kids and suggests usable strategies to help for kids and parents talk about divorce. http://kidscorner.reframemedia...

About the author — Rev. Deb Koster

Deb Koster is a producer, writer, and speaker for Family Fire. She is also an Innkeeper at The Parsonage Inn in Grand Rapids, MI where she leads marriage retreat on weekends. After over 20 years as a Registered Nurse, she completed a Master of Divinity degree and was ordained as a pastor in the Christian Reformed Church. Deb and her husband Steven enjoy doing ministry together and they are the parents of three awesome young adults.

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