Roomates or Lovers: The importance of sex.

Rev. Deb Koster

May 15, 2011

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

When life becomes stressed and busy our sex life is often the first to suffer. We feel too tired at the end of the day and all we want is sleep. Maybe we our minds are so wrapped up in the tasks we need to do at work or at home, and we just can’t switch gears. Sometimes the stress level around or within our marriages is strangling our love life.

Sex is not the frosting on the cake of a good relationship, but a vital ingredient of the relationship itself. Biblically we are told not to deprive our spouse. We are not to use sex as a weapon or a reward. We are only to separate for a time, by mutual consent to devote ourselves to prayer.

We are called to be lover’s not just roommates. Sexuality is a beautiful gift given by God for us to share with our spouse. We often fill our evenings with busyness or crash in front of the TV instead of tuning into our spouse. Do we really need to watch one more game or see one more episode of a TV show?

Our time would often be better spent talking to each other and hearing about what is on our spouses mind. Communication opens the door for emotional intimacy.  Emotional and spiritual intimacy prepares us for physical intimacy. If we need to strengthen our physical relationship, it is often in emotional or spiritual intimacy that we need to focus.

We are physical beings and God’s desire is for us to live in a relationship where we are caring for our spouse. Our spouse may have physical touch as their primary love language. If this is true our spouse can be left feeling unloved if our sex life is neglected in the marriage.

Are both partners happy with how often love making happens? What do we need to change in our lives so our sexual life can prosper?

About the author — Rev. Deb Koster

Deb Koster is a producer, writer, and speaker for Family Fire. She is also an Innkeeper at The Parsonage Inn in Grand Rapids, MI where she leads marriage retreat on weekends. After over 20 years as a Registered Nurse, she completed a Master of Divinity degree and was ordained as a pastor in the Christian Reformed Church. Deb and her husband Steven enjoy doing ministry together and they are the parents of three awesome young adults.

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