Staying Hopeful Amid Relationship Rejection

Finding a spouse is a common and natural impulse among young adults. As a person leaves their childhood home and moves out into the greater world, it makes sense to want to find someone to partner with in life. During my college years, “finding the one” seemed on all of my peers' minds. No one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives. We are made for community. We are made to love.

Yet, people rarely marry the first person they date. They often go through numerous romantic relationships before meeting the one they will marry. The primary goal of a dating relationship is to get to know another person well enough to decide whether or not they will make a good spouse. Yet, regardless of the goal of dating, the feeling of rejection that accompanies many breakups and ghosting experiences is challenging to process. 

How do you remain hopeful about God’s plan for you amid relational rejection?

Rejection has gone digital

In the digital age, relational rejection has become more commonplace than at any other time. Before cell phones and the internet, people pursued romantic relationships completely in person. Oftentimes, couples first met as children playing in the same village or small town. Today, young people find dates through dating apps like Tinder or Bumble. Like a well-polished resume, they put their best foot forward by creating a profile with the “wow” factor. They’ve hand-selected and edited their profile picture to be the best possible version of themselves. The time and energy put into this profile only makes the rejection that much more painful when the person you reach out to doesn’t respond. Many young people I meet describe the experience as rollercoaster-like, but they are determined to find the person they will spend the rest of their lives with, regardless of the medium.

Dating apps are not spiritually neutral

As you scroll through the endless possible matches in your app, you become accustomed to rejecting people for the most superficial reasons. One picture and a short bio can’t possibly help you know the depth of someone’s character, far-reaching interests, or idiosyncrasies. People are just too complex to be quantified in an app. Yet, that’s exactly what the apps do; as a result, people reject one another without even knowing one another. This behavior causes us to become judgmental rather than gracious, empathetic, and kind people.

Focus on connection rather than rejection

Instead of allowing the algorithms of apps to determine who you date or reject, reach out to people you trust and ask them to introduce you to someone you might like. Let your first meeting be in person, and do your best to lay aside your judgments and be present in the moment. This is how friendships begin to form, and there is no more excellent basis for a dating relationship than friendship. As you focus more on building deep connections with others, ask God to give you wisdom and discernment in determining the character of who you are dating so you know if God is leading you to take the relationship to another level. Pay attention to the Holy Spirit’s leading and exercise patience as you trust in God’s timing.

Looking to God like a psalmist

As you pursue a connection with others, rejection will inevitably still come. Whether you are single, dating, or married, rejections of all kinds occur. Therefore, determine beforehand how you will respond in the face of rejection. I suggest responding like the psalmist who wrote, “LORD, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry” (Psalm 88:1-2). When we experience the darkest days, God welcomes us to turn to him. He intimately knows the meaning of rejection because his people have rejected him since Adam and Eve. Yet, he does not lose heart.

Wherever you find yourself in your dating journey, my prayer for you is this: may you know that in your bones, you are a beloved child of God. May his all-encompassing love for you bring you to your knees in worship. May his sacrificial love flow through you as you meet new people. May his unconditional acceptance of you in Jesus Christ more powerfully form you than any dating app can malformed you. May you know that he holds your life in his hands and will never leave you or forsake you. Amen.