Rules for Fair Fighting: Rule #10

Rev. Dr. Steven Koster

September 5, 2018

FAIR FIGHTING RULE #10: Pray Together

End disagreements with prayer, reuniting with each other before God.

Many couples are uncomfortable with praying together because prayer creates an emotional nakedness. How ironic that for many it’s easier to be physically naked together than to hold hands and pray out loud! But this spiritual vulnerability is a powerful tool for building intimacy in marriage. It’s tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable, but the marriage relationship ought to be a place where you can be comfortable with this openness. Ending conflict with prayer allows God to begin his healing work in our relationships.

JAMES 5:16 — Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed.

As we pray together, our hearts are open to each other in the presence of God. We benefit from hearing the needs that are weighing heaviest on each other’s hearts. Prayer connects us as a team. When we pray, we turn our struggles over to God instead of carrying the weight of the burden.

COLOSSIANS 4:2 — Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Praying for each other helps you start to pay attention to how the other person is feeling and allows God to soften your heart toward your partner. It’s difficult to stay angry when kneeling with your spouse before the throne of God!

Prayer is our powerful connection to God through which he is able to shape our lives, change our hearts, and influence our behaviors. When together we lay our struggles at his feet, he can work powerfully in our lives.

About the author — Rev. Dr. Steven Koster

Steven Koster is a writer, speaker, and producer with Family Fire. Formerly the Director of ReFrame Media, Family Fire's parent organization, Steven currently serves at Grace Church and consults on ministry through The Joshua Lab. He also leads a hospitality ministry at The Parsonage Inn and enjoys family tree research as time allows. Steven and his wife Deb enjoy leading marriage retreats and family seminars to encourage people in their most intimate relationships. The Kosters are the parents of three awesome young adults and reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

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