Help for Weary New Parents!

When a new baby enters your house, joy, chaos, and sleepless nights tend to follow. We all come to parenthood with anxieties about how to face the task of parenting. Will we bond with our child? Will we be a good parent? Will we mess things up? Many parents struggle with knowing if their new baby should be picked up and comforted every time he cries, or whether it’s good to let the baby to cry it out sometimes. All of this uncertainty can cause conflict in the house, especially if the parents take different approaches to parenting.

Let love lead

Unfortunately, scripture doesn’t tell us how to handle all the minute-by-minute issues of parenting and kids don’t come with a guidebook.  The psalmist says, "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him" (Psalm 103:13). We are made in the image of our compassionate God and we follow his lead of demonstrating love in all of our relationships. This is true in all the relationships that God has given to us, we should let love be the guide. In whatever relationship, we should lead with love, whether it is with our in-laws, parents, spouse, or even our precious infant infant. Love should characterize our every interaction.

Work as a team

To make sure that the arrival of a new baby doesn’t cause significant tension with your spouse, make sure to talk about concerns and find strategies with which you both can agree. How much should the in-laws visit? How will you manage outside commitments? How will you navigate household chores? Recognize that we all parent out of past experiences and that every approach will be different. If a wife felt neglected by her parents, she may be adamant about picking up the baby every time he cries. A husband on the other hand, may think that it’s all right to let the baby cry at times to avoid spoiling, especially if that was the way his parents raised him. We will never parent in exactly the same way as our spouse, but it’s important to communicate with each other and understand each other. Establish the habit of keeping a united front so you can navigate the challenges of parenting as a team. Tag team parenting can allow each spouse a chance to rest and recharge as you take turns caring for the needs of young children.

Resetting priorities

Life with a newborn will involve re-prioritizing commitments. Hobbies and outside relationships may need to take a back seat for a time. Focus on the essentials of leaning on God and caring for your child. Practice self-care and allow your community to care for your family. Life may seem quite different, so how can you find the best way to parent?

The most important thing to learn when taking a new baby home is finding balance. The house can feel completely off balance when the baby comes home for the first time. Sleep is disrupted causing exhausted parents to stumble through the new experience with less than ideal capacity for reasoning. You are in completely uncharted territory and the landscape changes daily. What soothed the baby yesterday may not work today. The nap routine may be completely discarded by a sick infant or an unbending schedule. So how can you navigate life with a newborn?

• Talk about your feelings. It helps to know that all new parents are experiencing the same things and you are not alone.
• Lower your standards. Perfectionism does not belong in the house with a newborn. Life does not need to be perfect to be enjoyed.
• Ask for help. Everyone loves a chance to care for a new baby, let them help. An occasional babysitter and a date night can rejuvenate your marriage!
• Be kind to yourself. It is never easy to give so unconditionally and sometimes you just need a shower. If you don't care for yourself you will have little to give to your family.
• Cut your spouse some slack. They are new at this, too, and need your support. Remember that you are on the same team and they might be your one hope of getting rest!
• Rely on God. There may not be time for lengthy devotions, but prayer can always be on our breath. God will equip you for the challenges that you face.

Focus on the joy

Life with infants is a short season, even though it may not seem like it at the moment. They eventually sleep through the night and even let you rest now and again. There are so many lovely moments that you might miss if you are focused only on the challenges. New Infants take a lot of time and energy, but they also bring much joy. It is easier to find the joys when you are supporting one another. Then we can rejoice with the psalmist, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward" (Psalm 127:3). There is no perfect way to parent. God chose you for the job and he will equip you for the task before you.