When Adversity Impacts Relationships

A number of years ago my husband spoke at a medical conference in Barcelona, Spain. We both fell in love with this beautiful city, its people, its culture, and (of course) its cuisine. We spent many enjoyable and informative hours exploring it all. We were enthralled by everything we saw, but there was one stop we both found to be exceptionally fascinating – the glassblower’s shop. We watched as the master glassblower took a shapeless, ordinary-looking piece of glass, subjected it to the intense heat of a fiery furnace, and transformed it into a beautiful work of art. It offered a glimpse into how our Creator God can transform our lives and messy relationships into something beautiful. As I watched I began to see God as the Master glassblower and me as that shapeless blob of glass in desperate need of transformation.

How God speaks

Thinking about transformation led me to think about the various ways God uses to bring about change that reflects him more clearly. Often, he speaks to us through his living Word, prayer, a powerful sermon, or an insightful book. Other times God molds us with counsel and encouragement of wise friends and family. God uses all of these things to transform our hearts and relationships to better reflect God’s glory. As powerful and effective as these methods are, I have discovered there is one way that never fails to bring transformation – times of adversity. Yet adversity in our relationships makes us deeply uncomfortable.

Recognizing the opportunity

We work hard to avoid seasons of testing and trials, but perhaps God is giving us an opportunity to become even more beautiful through adversity. Like the master glassblower, he knows we “ordinary blobs of glass” need to go through the fire so the Master can mold and make us into the beautiful works of art he designed us to be. Running from the pain of these experiences does not work. Since we can’t escape the fire of adversity, we need to decide how we are going to endure it. When we face challenges it goes better when we work together and trust God’s leading. My experience has taught me that obediently submitting to the Father’s loving hands as he purifies and molds us is key for transformation to occur.

We are never alone

Though conflict may isolate us from one another, we are never truly alone. The choice of obedience gives us an opportunity to experience God as our constant companion, our strength, our shield, our refuge, and our ever-present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46). Even when we don’t “feel” his presence, we can rest in the promises that he will never leave or forsake us, and that there is nothing that can separate us from his love. Adversity can be the driving force that compels us to embrace a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. The more intimate we are with him, the more we become like him. And the more we become like him, the more beautiful we become – just like the glass when the glassblower removes it from the fire.

Leaning into a relationship with God

So, what does trusting God look like? It is choosing to take every opportunity to stay close to God by being in his word, in prayer, in Bible study, in service, and in worship. It is remembering God’s past faithfulness and mercy and trusting he will continue to be faithful. It is humbly asking God, “What do you want me to learn?” It is persevering and waiting for God’s timing. It is asking the Spirit to grow your faith and trust. It is learning to be content whatever the circumstances. It is choosing to focus on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, or admirable (Phil 4:8). It is choosing to engage others with grace even when their behavior disappoints us.

Trusting God

None of this is easy, but by the Spirit’s power, it is doable. It is difficult to think of these times of intense pain as “good and perfect” gifts from God, but God has assured us in his word that “weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning”(Psalm 30:5). The fiery furnace of adversity “burns off” sins, characteristics, and attitudes that are keeping us from being a more beautiful reflection of our loving Father and frees us to be more like Jesus. So, while it is profoundly difficult to go through the fiery furnace of adversity, we can welcome it because “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings becoming like him in his death…” (Philippians 3:10). Our relationships can become stronger when we have navigated through challenges together leaning on God’s strength to get us through.

My sincere prayer for everyone who reads this is that you will submit to the Father’s loving hands in all seasons of life as he molds you and transforms you“ into his image with ever-increasing glory.” May you experience the power of the Holy Spirit enabling you to be transformed through adversity. As we look back on life’s difficult trials, may we recognize, like Joseph, that though others might have meant to harm, God was working things out for our good (Gen 50:20). Under the care of our Creator, all things are being made new.