Vacations with Toddlers

Planning vacations can be so much fun. Dreaming about where to go, planning where to stay, and deciding what you want to do while you are away is all part of the process. If you’re anything like me, you can be so deep in the planning process that you begin to dream up a fantasy vacation that will only include outbursts of laughter, great food, and meaningful connection with those you love. But that fantasy balloon pops as quickly as you can say “vacation” when you are bringing a toddler along.

Don’t get me wrong, I love having my toddler with me on vacations. He really is such a joy to bring to the beach or on a hike or to new places, but he also has a lot of needs that cannot be ignored. There’s nap time, bedtime, snack time, breakfast, lunch, and dinner time. On good days there are a lot of laughing times and on bad days there are lots of temper tantrum times. You get it. Toddlers are tough on travel.

Here are four key ways to help you set better expectations for your next vacation with a toddler.

Remembering presence

What matters most when we are connecting with our kids is our presence. Toddlers do not care if they are staying at some fancy hotel or a cabin in the woods. They don’t care if they get to go to a new city or see the ocean for the first time. What they care about is having their parents close and present. Toddlers are wired to want to see their parents smile and receive their reassurance that everything is okay. It reminds me a lot about the way God has wired us for a relationship with him. We are insecure kids who need a consistent reminder that we are loved unconditionally. When we hear the gospel, eat the bread, drink the cup, or sing praise songs to God, we are reminded of his consistent love for us. God will never leave us or forsake us. That is what our toddlers need from their parents more than any special vacation. So, as you get flexible with your plans, remind yourself that as God is present with you, so you are called to be present with your toddler.

Flexibility is key

You are only as flexible as your plan allows. If you’ve maximized every minute of your vacation with excursions and adventures, then expect to be frustrated by your toddler whose demands will deviate from the plan. I remember taking a day trip to a waterpark when my daughter was a toddler. I was so excited to relive some of my childhood memories by going down water slides all day with her. As we walked into the indoor water park, saw the water shooting out from every direction, and heard all the kids screaming as they went down the water slides, the look on my daughter’s face told me she was not going to enjoy this as much as I hoped. I attempted to help her feel comfortable in this loud and chaotic space, but when it was all said and done, she wouldn’t have it. I was disappointed but recognized that if this was really about wanting to give her a fun day and not ultimately about me, then I needed to listen to her needs. A short while later, my wife and I packed our daughter up and headed home. In the end, we still had a fun day away because we were willing to be flexible for our daughter’s sake.

Patience is required

Regardless of your ability to be flexible or your awareness of God’s presence, patience will be necessary. Patience is necessary because toddlers are human and so are you. Recently, I was away with my family on vacation and we went on this stunning bike ride through the coastal countryside of Northern California. The views were breathtaking, the weather was beautiful, and my son was screaming on the back of my bike. We eventually pulled over and tried to comfort him, but nothing seemed to work. I began to feel agitated. I was mad that I couldn’t control him. And that’s when I felt a cue for patience. Whenever I’m annoyed that I can’t control another person’s behavior, an alert goes off saying “Danger, Danger, Patience Required!” Sometimes, I listen to that warning, other times I ignore it and make myself even more frustrated. So, as the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, in one sentence, “Love is patient, love is kind.” When patience shows up, kindness is sure to be close behind.

Letting go of ideals is grace

The fantasy vacation that was planned weeks in advance must be sacrificed for the reality of a vacation with a toddler. That’s the only way you will look back on your vacation and remember a time full of good memories. When we can let go of ideals, then we can truly relish the wonderful experiences we had together. In order to practice this, after getting home from our most recent vacation, I went on my computer and made a slide show of all my favorite pictures from the trip. That night, I watched it with my wife and I’m looking forward to sharing it with my kids and other relatives. As I watched it, it brought such a smile to my face because it reminded me of how grateful I am to have a loveable and challenging toddler in my life.