Supporting Families with Special Needs Children

The body of Christ includes many different individual needs, and it can feel out of our comfort zone to support all of these unique needs well. Learning how to support families of special needs children is one of those difficult areas that we all struggle to know how to do well. It's not out of a lack of love that we struggle to know how to support special needs families, but more out of a lack of understanding. It can be difficult to feel confident in helping those who you don’t feel experienced in how to help, and yet I believe that when you find a way to move towards special needs families there will be a greater impact and healing for them that will profoundly affect the entire body of Christ.

What not to do or say

Before we dive into how to support families of special needs children, lets consider things that we might say or do that can unintentionally hurt special needs families. There are many different opinions out there on why children have special needs, or what others might believe the families caring for special needs children should or should not be doing. These harmful opinions could look like negative comments made about different therapy choices made for the child, comments alluding to the belief that the parents caused the special needs that the child has, or comments on how you would handle caring for a special needs child in a better way if you were the child’s parents. Having different opinions isn’t wrong, and it can be helpful to have unique perspectives to share. Yet there is a time and place to share these opinions, and more often than not we are all too quick to share without considering the consequences of doing so especially when we aren’t in the shoes of someone else or have a close relationship with them to really be able to speak on the issue. The ‘why’ is not important, and casting blame is unhelpful.

Nobody likes being the subject of gossip. All of us have been guilty of getting caught up in openly sharing our thoughts and opinions on things without realizing how hurtful that can be to someone else listening. The Bible even talks about how hurtful our opinions can be when our heart isn’t set on trying to understand what someone else is facing or going through. “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Proverbs 18:2 ESV). I can’t tell you how many times I have been the “fool” in this scenario. It’s so easy to get caught up in believing we are right about something and feel it’s our right to share it instead of stepping back, slowing down, and listening with a heart posture set on trying to understand. Choose to address concerns directly instead of speculating with others.

Move towards and not away

Soon after we found out one of our children was autistic, I discovered how isolating having a special needs child can often feel. We all feel uncomfortable diving in to help in situations where we don’t know what to do or how to help. Nevertheless, when we choose to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and move towards special needs families we have a beautiful opportunity to show God's love and remind these families that they are not alone.

Moving towards special needs families with help might look like asking them how you can help if their child is having a meltdown, being patient with their child if they are slower to understand the directions you are giving them, or seeking education on how to use their child’s feeding tube in an effort to allow their parents a night out. I remember when we were first navigating how to support our special needs child at church, it was so hard to actually make it into the sanctuary to hear a sermon because our child was overwhelmed and struggling to be without us. Many times we felt like giving up altogether. Then one day a friend at church asked if we could meet and talk through how they can best support our child in an effort to help us get back to church. She patiently listened to the needs of our child, asked questions, and helped us set up an environment for him to thrive as an individual. She worked hard to accommodate his needs instead of just expecting him to fall in line with all the other kids who didn’t need the extra help.

The Bible tells us to be always looking out for how we can serve one another and look out for the needs of others above our own. Paul tells the Philippians to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:4). I will never forget the moments when others moved towards me with selflessness as well as those who prayed with me through my tears over struggling to support my child.

Recognize the purpose and strengths

One of the most important ways to support a family with special needs children is to see their child as a valuable part of the body of Christ and acknowledge the unique gifts that they are able to share. Paul speaks of this truth when he says, 

“Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ” (1 Corinthians 12:12). 

We are all part of the body of Christ, and all hold that value. Sometimes it’s easy for us to overlook those who are different, appear weaker, or need extra care, but the Bible reminds us that we need to value every part of the body as vital to the Kingdom of God and the ministry we have here on Earth.

As I think of my child, I think of all the unique ways he is going to be able to reach out with the love of God in ways that I can’t. As I think of the times he has been in a classroom with other kids who don’t have special needs, I think about what a gift it is for those children to learn how to accept and love someone different from them at such an early stage of life. Families of special needs children can often feel like they are a burden because of the special accommodations that often need to be made for our children, so when others see the unique gifts my child has and the blessing he is to those around him this blesses me also.

Going the extra mile to love on and support the families of special needs children will have a direct impact on the body of Christ and the ministry we have on Earth. When we hold on to the truth that every part of the body of Christ is essential we not only bless the families of special needs children but will also be also blessed by them ourselves. When we allow ourselves to be stretched and pushed out of our comfort zone to love those around us we give God glory and make a far greater difference in the lives of others than we may ever know or see.