Intentionally Parenting Your Rebellious Child

During my high school years, I was not an easy kid to parent. I lied to my parents about who I was hanging out with and what I was doing when I was with them. I was under the spell that comes over many teenagers, that "I know what’s best for me." I remember one time when I thought it would be a good idea to hide that my friends and I had managed to smash the glass on the front door of the local elementary school. Needless to say, it didn’t take long before my parents figured out what happened and what part I played in the shenanigans.

Now I’m a parent, and I’m confronted with my own children’s mistakes. How am I to react when I find out that my children did something behind my back that goes against everything I've taught them? What if this kind of behavior turns into a regular occurrence as they get older and gain more independence? How can I learn to parent better today, so that I’ll be better prepared for the heartaches of tomorrow?

Parenting with trust in God’s sovereignty

God chose you to be your child’s father or mother. That’s right. When God looked at all the homes your child could have been born into, he chose your address. Since God chose his people before he created the world (Eph 1:4), then you can rest assured that he made no mistake in putting you in charge of your kids. You may feel under-prepared for parenting. You may have never had a good role model yourself. Whatever the case may be, God has called you to be a parent today. Trust God’s sovereignty. Whether you are the parent who read every parenting book before your child was born or the one who has never touched a book, God thinks you have what it takes to raise your kids. So, dig in. Accept the challenge. And thank God for choosing you. Recognizing that parenting is your divine calling will enable you to rest on your divine parent as you do your best for your child.

Parenting with patience

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Although there are acute moments in your child’s life, times when you’ll feel like you have to be the perfect parent in order for them to thrive, most days you’ll just have to show up, be present, and take one step forward. You don’t need to be worried about whether or not your child will be accepted into a good college when you're still concerned about whether or not they will ever figure out how to use a toilet. Today’s parenting challenges are enough without worrying about future hurdles. Now, if your child is filling out college applications, but still hasn’t figured out the potty training thing, then you might have reason to worry! But seriously, modeling a life of patience for your children will show them that if you’re not anxious about them, then they don’t need to feel anxious about themselves. As you trust God’s work in their lives, you can stay attentive to small moments today that will accumulate into a lifetime of faithful parenting.

Parenting with Christ-like intentionality

As you recognize God’s sovereign care in your child’s life and practice patience with the process, you can learn to develop intentional habits that nurture your child. These habits provide space for your relationship to grow with your child. For years, my friend, Josh, has made spending weekly alone time with each of his three children a top priority. Usually, over a shared meal or some other kind of treat, he makes space for them to know he’s available for whatever they need. By showing up every week, he is intentionally communicating to them that they are who matter most in his life. For my youngest, this looks like me making time to play with Hot Wheels cars or toy trains. For my oldest, it means listening to her stories and going on walks with her. Each child has different needs and wants, but as you trust God with your child, you’ll find that it frees you up to engage them intentionally.

As parents, we know we don’t have control over every decision our children make. Sometimes, what they do will hurt us and leave us wondering what went wrong, but we can trust that God doesn’t waste any bad decisions or mistakes. God uses our worst moments to shape us into who he wants us to be. Sometimes, that takes a lot of time before we find out exactly what that something is, but he promises it is for our good. So, take heart, your Father in Heaven is walking with you as you seek to be the best mother or father you can be.