Improving Your Listening Skills

Whenever I’m involved in a heated discussion, or I can tell an argument is about to begin, it’s almost like a switch turns off the “listening” part of my brain. I feel defensive, and I want to be right. Instead of listening to the other person, I’m thinking up retorts without even hearing what’s being said. Perhaps you relate to this, too. It’s all too easy for us to get wrapped up in our own thoughts during discussions, arguments, and general day-to-day conversations. It can lead to tension, frustration, and misunderstandings. In order to improve our communication with loved ones, friends, and colleagues, we need to work on our listening skills. Listening to someone shows them that you have an interest in their life, that you are empathetic, and that you are willing to work together to solve any issues that may occur. Listening is an essential skill when it comes to communicating well.

Below, you’ll find articles from a variety of Family Fire authors on the art of listening, and how we can improve our skills and become better listeners:

Listening Deflectively: How Not to Listen, by Rev. Dr. Steven Koster -- Deflective listening often occurs when we’re not fully present and engaging with the speaker. This article examines a number of different ways we respond deflectively.

Listening Reflectively: How to Listen Well, by Rev. Dr. Steven Koster -- The second part of our article above, this article explores how we can listen and respond well to others by reflecting back what the speaker is feeling.

Listening to Your Spouse, by Rev. Kelly Vander Woude -- The listener plays a powerful role in making the speaker feel heard. Explore ways to listen and respond well to your spouse while staying rooted in using words of grace and truth.

Why is Communication So Difficult? by Rev. Deb Koster - Many factors that make communication difficult, including both the speaker and the listener. Learn how choosing a conducive environment, having realistic expectations, and naming your emotions can help you listen and respond better.

Marriage 101: Learning to Communicate, by Rev. Dr. Rob Toornstra - We can show love to our spouses by practicing good listening. Learn skills like slowing down, listening on their terms, and discerning their emotions.

To What Voices Will You Listen? by Rev. Deb Koster - There are so many voices fighting for our attention: positive, negative, compliments, criticisms. How can you choose the voices to which you’ll listen?

Listening for God, by Rev. Deb Koster - We can also become better attuned to listen for God’s voice. Learn how to quiet other voices in your life, and where you can focus on hearing God’s voice.

Training Children to Hear God's Voice by Kim Sullivan - We can help our children learn to listen for God’s voice by turning them toward scripture, reminding them that God has a good plan for them, and always teaching in the context of love.