Speaking Explicitly About Sex

This article first appeared at ThinkChristian.

One of the insider jokes over at Think Christian is that one of the top-visited posts even now—month after month, consistently in the top five—is several years old. Consistently, search engines lead people to Think Christian to discover “Hot Steamy Christian Sex.

As a writer for TC, one of the ironies is that I actually talk about sex regularly (though TC covers many more topics!). At Family Fire, we lead marriage enrichment seminars and weekend retreats that cover, among other forms of intimacy, Christian sexuality. (We once even gave the ‘sex-talk’ to a crowd of couples that included my parents and parents-in-law, which was another set of ironies.)

Sex is God’s idea. He invented sexuality as part of the way we’re supposed to be. He created us as embodied creatures, designed to bear his image and reflect his glory in the unity of body and soul. And the Bible is full of sex, some good, some bad. The Song of Songs, as many an adolescent discovers with shock, a celebration of sex, even hot, steamy, God-honoring sex.

So I’d agree with Joe Beam. No one should have as great and fulfilling a sex life as married Christians.

But you won’t learn that from our culture. Seldom will you see married couples developing rich intimacy emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and especially physically. Our culture teaches that sex is something you take, rather than something you give. And being surrounded by negative, exploitative images of sexuality, it’s no surprise the church tends to remain silent or even negative on the topic. But we should change that.

Which leads me to mention a website I came across a while back. ChristianNymphos.org is a collection of married Christian women (using pseudonyms) who describe themselves as “women with excessive sexual desire for our husbands!” On their blog, they deal with questions ranging from a theology of sexuality, to a list of sexual positions, to surprisingly detailed sexual techniques. To be honest, the first time I read over a few of their posts I found myself literally blushing at their frankness. They state as their mission:

We are here to say to women everywhere:

“Be fully released to embrace all that God wants for your marriage! Ignite that intimacy with your husband, and grow in Christ together! Witness to others about Jesus, and at the same time, let them see you as a healthy, strong, happily married woman. Be a role model to other young women who need someone to look up to and talk to. Instruct them on marriage and don’t shy away from sexual questions they have. Young women need experienced women to talk to and get sound, Christian advice from. Let us honor God by showing these women what He wants for them in marriage!”

I have not read everything they have to say, but I was impressed at their thoughtful and generally theologically grounded advice to women on some touchy subjects (Using erotica as foreplay, for example, “is a form of pornography in my opinion and it is best be avoided”). Yet they are unafraid to speak frankly, even explicitly, on the issues from a Christian perspective.

As you might gather, this site is not for the feint of heart or underage. They are also clear that some links they list lead to less healthy and God-honoring material. One could choose to abuse their advice. But I respect their work as a ministry to married Christians.

About the author — Rev. Dr. Steven Koster

Steven Koster is a writer, speaker, and producer with Family Fire. Formerly the Director of ReFrame Media, Family Fire's parent organization, Steven currently serves at Grace Church and consults on ministry through The Joshua Lab. He also leads a hospitality ministry at The Parsonage Inn and enjoys family tree research as time allows. Steven and his wife Deb enjoy leading marriage retreats and family seminars to encourage people in their most intimate relationships. The Kosters are the parents of three awesome young adults and reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

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