FamilyFire

We’ve often heard it said: “Good fences make good neighbors.”

We need to set good boundaries in many places, and one of the most significant is with parents and in-laws.

We all have emotional connections to our parents.  How our parents handled difficulties and how they made decisions will affect how we act in our marriage. But sooner or later, the emotional connection we have with our parents may cause tension with our spouse. 

In order to be truly connected to your spouse in marriage, you need to LEAVE your parents and focus on your new family.  In any situation, our first loyalty needs to be with our spouse. Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his spouse.”

In new marriages especially, there is often tension between the couple that needs to establish their own household and their families of origin who still want a say in how things are done. These boundaries need to apply in parenting, too.  When you are at your parents’ house, it’s easy to fall back into the role of the child and allow your parents to be in charge.  But you need to be the decision maker.  Grandpa and grandma don’t get to overrule your decisions about bedtime or discipline.  We can value their input, but ultimately you and your spouse need to set the guidelines.

When establishing healthy boundaries around your family, it is important to make sure to give your parents and in-laws appropriate respect. Affirm and value them as parents, making sure that your parents know that you are grateful for all they’ve done. Keep them involved in your family but don’t let them have control. Remeber your loyalty is with your spouse first.

Building a few good fences will strengthen your relationship with your spouse and help establish healthy boundaries with your extended family.